Hello I'm Brandon. No, I'm not amazing with women, but I do better than the average guy. I can teach you how to get more confidence with women. So I'm here to show you what I’ve learned…
Daygame.com posted a really great article detailing how you can use Approach Anxiety to your advantage when ApproachingWomen during the daytime. From the article…
You see a really hot girl – you’re about to approach – Suddenly you become aware of your chest tightening, heart pounding, and your feet turn to lead, and you just can’t make yourself move towards her..
Wait a minute! – Ask yourself, would you feel the same anxiety if she was 75 years old, or if it was a fat balding man you had to approach..
Probably not…
If hotter girls = More fear, then the more fear you feel, the more sure you can be that this is the girl you should approach!
That is a great article! Using your own nervousness as a gauge to judge how attracted you are to a girl you see in the street. If you aren’t at least the slightest bit nervous you probably don’t really fancy her. It’s a good way to look at something that most people consider to be a negative and psychologically turn it on it’s head to make feeling Approach Anxiety a positive.
I came across this question recently on a shyness forum I frequent. It’s a really common problem so I thought I’d give you some pointers on how to solve it.
Hi,
Somehow I can’t approach women alone.. I can’t go out of my house alone,
I can’t go to clubs / bars/ malls / any other location alone…
I always go when my friends come with me.. but somehow I can’t do it alone..
Any suggestions what to do to solve this problem?
Cheers
Struggling to Approach Women Alone
Firstly it’s a good thing you don’t like to go to bars / clubs alone because going to a club by yourself, not to meet some friends inside is really weird (like Apex Twin music video weird). But approaching girls alone in the daytime in shopping centres / malls / on the street / in bookstores / anywhere you can find them is perfectly acceptable.
If you take one thing away from this post I want it to be this…
Approaching Women in the day is far far easier than trying to Approach them at night.
Women are generally a lot more friendly in the day. You don’t encounter any of the bitchiness that you can run into when you approach a girl in a nightclub. You also don’t have to deal with the myriad of distractions that you do in a nightclub:
Loud music
Alcohol
Drunk people
Her friends
Other guys
Etc.
Start off slowly to enable you to get over your fear of talking to girls by asking for the time or directions to somewhere such as Starbucks / Subway. When they’ve given you an answer thank them and leave. Once you get comfortable doing this you can start staying in conversation longer and longer because through practice you will gain more confidence Approaching Women. Then you can start asking for numbers and setting up dates.
The important thing to take away from this article is to take baby steps so what you are doing never feels too uncomfortable.
I hope these basic tips get you out of the house and approaching women
Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions or want some advice.
The Best Way To Reduce Approach Anxiety In 3 Easy Steps
Each of us wants things. Many people have objectives for what they need to do or achieve. Some have goals for what properties they wish to possess. Maybe there’s something you want to be or be able to do.
Perhaps you want to reduce your approach anxiety, as an example. You would not be by yourself in wanting that. In reality it’s easy once you learn how. This article can help you to reach your objective and reduce your approach anxiety so it’s easier for you to approach and meet women. To learn how to reduce approach anxiety in three simple and easy steps, simply continue reading…
The 1st step you will need to take is Use the Three Second Rule. This is important because it doesn’t give you chance to feel any nervousness. It’s important to avoid over thinking what you are about it do. Just see her and start waking towards her
Accomplishing this initial step completely and well is important. If you should fail with this then you should expect to have more nervousness when approaching.
Your 2nd step will be Have Something to Say in the Back of Your Mind. With this step you should avoid locking up and not knowing what to say right before you open your mouth as well as having the peace of mind that you have something to fall back on in case you can’t think of something spontaneously.
Your third and final step will be Smile. The main reason this will be significant is the fact that it will put her at ease and make you feel more confident in the moment. What is important for one to avoid is looking tense and uptight. It something I always forget to do, but when I remember to do it it makes a massive difference.
Reduce Approach Anxiety
For the reasons given, it is best to take care to follow each and every step carefully. Be sure to steer clear of the pitfalls and potential problems mentioned. Carefully observe the suggestions above and you ought to have few or no problems.
You are likely to significantly reduce approach anxiety and do it effectively, with maximum rapidity and ease. And you will then enjoy every one of the benefits and rewards that may go with your success!
I came across this question on a forum I like to visit and thought it would be useful if I answered it here so you all could read it. It concerns how body issues can affect your confidence interacting with others.
Hi, I have a ridiculous fear of being rejected which has hurt me a lot through my life.
Apart from my friends, I’m afraid of being outgoing and friendly to people because I think they’ll see me as creepy and annoying. Although I’ve been following the game for about 6 months now I haven’t had the balls to approach a woman for fear that ill be humiliated.
I’m pretty hairy and got teased alot for it during my high school years and although i knew they were only joking, it still got to me. I think that’s one of the reasons for my insecurity.
Sorry if I’m whining to much but I was wondering what I could do to get rid of this.
Hi there,
The first thing I want to say is you’re probably not as hairy as you imagine yourself to be, children will find any excuse to tease you about something to make you feel bad because that’s the way they are. But if you feel it really is a problem I’d suggest getting a body groomer such as this one and using that on yourself once a week to every two weeks depending on how fast your hair grows. It will take about 10 – 15 minutes to do your chest, legs and arms, possibly even less once you get the hand of using the groomer.
As far as you struggling to be outgoing there’s a common misconception about confidence and how you come to attain it. Most people who lack confidence and are naturally introverted (myself included 3 or 4 years ago) assume that you either are confident or you aren’t like its a light switch that is on or off.
Confidence is actually more like the volume knob on a television, there isn’t just one level you can keep going up and up. You already have confidence in social settings already, you just don’t have a lot of it. This is probably due to you avoiding social interactions where you will be forced to interact with people you don’t already know.
Unfortunately there’s no way to overcome this without you being proactive and pushing yourself into situations that you aren’t used to (AKA interacting with people you don’t know). But the good news is you can do it in such a way that you only feel a tiny bit awkward (due to the newness of the situation).
Think of it this way if I asked you to go and try and talk to a girl and try to get her phone number right now I’ll bet you’d be a bundle of nerves. But what if I’d already got you to talk to 5 other girls previously and had small 30 second conversations with each of them, I’d bet you wouldn’t be as scared of going over to her would you?
Confidence is the act of doing something over and over again until you feel comfortable doing it. So if you want to be confident talking to girls you are going to have to get used to talking to them.
The best way to get started is to go out this week and ask 5 girls for direction to somewhere. Just walk up to them and say “Excuse me. Could you tell me where Starbucks / Barnes and Noble / HMV / Nandos / Chiquitos is, because I’m lost?” let her answer, then thank her and walk away. The good thing about this approach is she’ll really think you’re lost and want to help you and you can stretch your comfort zone as well as getting more confidence interacting with girls by doing this.
The first one will feel really weird but that is just your ego trying to keep you from getting better. Try it and let me know how it goes. You’ll be surprised how much confidence you can gain by just being able to do this.
Here is another message from the guy from my previous post who is struggling to beat his Approach Anxiety.
I decided I was going to make things a little easier today and just focus on one venue and one opener and only spend a little time doing it. My venue I went with was the bus stop. There are a lot of girls just waiting around there and I’ve had some success there in the past.
I at least ended my streak by making an approach which I’m pleased about but something else happened which made me feel like a creep again.
There is this girl who I met at the bus stop a couple months ago. She lives on my street and we take the same bus every once in awhile. I like her and I’m pretty sure she likes me. I’ve never really been able to build enough comfort with her to close her.
After I made the approach I went to do some stuff on campus and came back to the bus stop to see if I could do another approach. That’s when I saw the girl I knew there. I didn’t know what to do because I wasn’t at the bus stop to actually take the bus. So if I went up to talk to her she would expect me to get on the same bus as her because that’s the bus we take. But I couldn’t because I had class in a little bit. So I just turned around and walked away hoping she didn’t see me.
I read the article about why the nice guy fears approaching women and I might not be the nice guy but I definitely tend to avoid conflict. I think that’s why I walked away. Should I have just talked to her and said I wasn’t going to get on the bus? I’d love to be able to just talk to girls at the bus stop when I’m actually taking the bus but that would leave me with very few opportunities for various reasons. Should I be approaching at the bus stop even though I’m not taking the bus?
Let me reframe the whole bus stop thing for a second and look at it from a different perspective. If it was one of your male friends standing at the bus stop would you have hesitated to go over and talk to them? I’m guessing you wouldn’t, you’d probably be over in no time whatsoever asking how he’s been and what he’s up to. So why should it be any different with that girl? You thinking it’s weird is all in your head because you’ve probably grown up being quite shy and not very social. It’s down to your Approach Anxiety that’s why it feels weird it’s your body (and ego) trying to keep to the already established status quo, you being shy and rarely if ever speaking to anyone you don’t already know. So when you do something to push yourself out of your comfort zone it is going to feel a little weird and you will probably feel really awkward (I did anyway) but perceiver.
If it’s a girl you’ve never met before walk up to her and ask for directions to somewhere. When she’s answered use a statement to transition into a conversation such as “You don’t sound like you’re from around here.” She will either say yes or no, if she says yes she is say “Oh I don’t normally get stuff like this wrong. Where abouts are you from?”. If she says no say “I thought so. Where abouts are you from?”.
Next time you see the girl that you’ve spoken to before go over and say hello and ask her how she’s been since you last talked. Talk to her for a minute or two and then say “I have to go now because I need to go meet someone but what’s the best way of staying in touch?” then get her number or Facebook so you can ask her out at a later date. As Alexander would say “Simples”.
I haven’t done one of these for a while so I thought it would be fun to do one again. This one is quite lengthy so bear with me.
I’m a grad student at a school where there are a lot of hot girls. The problem is I’m pretty much a loner and I have no easy way of meeting any of these girls. It’s very frustrating because I know they would like me if I could just talk to them.
The past few months I’ve been trying to approach girls on campus. I have a lot of free time so I literally waste hours trying to make approaches. I wait around at the shuttle stop, I look for girls who are sitting around, and I go to the campus coffee shop.
When I first started I wasn’t very good but I had some very good conversations with girls, although I can’t close, and I felt like I was progressing a little bit. I would usually get a few good conversations in a week. I literally never have had a bad interaction with a girl. I haven’t made a lot of approaches in my life but they’ve always been receptive to me.
The past few weeks I feel like I’m digressing as I can’t make any approaches. It’s been terrible. I feel like a creep walking around campus. I used to be able to ask for directions as a warmup approach every day no problem, but now I feel weird asking for directions to places that I’ve been to many times. Direct approaches are not even an option at this point because I can’t even do the simplest approaches.
I also have always had a huge problem talking to girls when other people can overhear the conversation. I feel an incredible amount of social pressure in these situations.
Do you have any advice for me to bust through this wall that I’ve hit?
Thanks for taking the time to read this
-Taylor
Hey buddy,
Damn that’s a long email I’ll see if I can give you some advice to help you out.
Firstly it’s really good that you are striving to get over your approach anxiety, just by admitting that AA is holding you back and then actively working towards beating it you are better than 97% of the male population (because most guys never bother to do anything about it, or get so drunk they don’t feel it).
Beating approach anxiety is hard in the beginning, the best way to beat it to start small and build up gradually, so you aren’t pushing yourself too far outside of your comfort zone. Try to implement a habit of talking to 7 girls a week.
Also to get more used to talking to strangers join a club or activity on your college campus, that will get you more used to striking up a conversation with someone you don’t know. It will have the added benefit of potentially putting you in a situation where you can meet and talk to hot girls.
When it comes to talking to women you can’t be perfect all the time so don’t beat yourself up about it, in the broad scheme of things one approach doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about other people listening in to your conversations because nobody is. Do you listen in to other peoples conversations? probably not, and even if you do you only hear 3 words before you’re too far away to hear what they are saying.
As for getting a girls number say “I have to go now but you’re really nice. What’s the best way of keeping in touch?”
You probably feel like you aren’t getting better but in reality you probably are you just can’t see it. It sounds like you’ve just hit a bit of a plateau, you feel like you aren’t getting better even though you’re always improving.
Summary
1) Implement a habit of talking to 7 girls a week
2) Realise you can’t be perfect all the time and allow yourself to be ok with it.
3) Join a club or society so you can meet more new people (and possibly some hot girls).
4) Don’t give up, if you keep at it you’ll get better and better.
5) Try and get a number or Facebook of every girl you talk to (you’ll be really surprised at how many you get).
and no one said it was going to be easy,
and I’m not afraid to try
and with the odds stacked up against me, I will have to fight
Approach Anxiety is that nasty feeling you get that starts in your head, moves to your stomach (which starts to do somersaults), and then overcomes your entire body. I’ve read that some people get it so bad that they have to leave the bar and go home.
It is the same biological reaction your body would have if someone pulled a knife out on you or if you felt your life was threatened in some way. It is your body telling you that you are about to enter a possibly risky situation.
Is it possible for you to overcome your Approach Anxiety and become the confident, social guy you’ve always dreamed of being?
The reality is Approach Anxiety is that it is the only thing standing in between you and love, sex and relationships with women.
Unless you be proactive and work to overcome it, you can expect to be single and lonely for more months (probably years) to come.
The good news is it can be cured. The first thing you have to realise is …
Every male gets Approach Anxiety to some degree
The difference between you and other guys you see that seem to be good at approaching women is they have already learned how to deal with it. So now it’s time for you to do them same.
To be able to successfully beat AA you will have to gradually push yourself outside of your comfort zone. The reason most guys fail when trying to overcome Approach Anxiety is because they attempt to go from not being able to approach a woman at all to trying to open and get a phone number (& date) with the first girl they approach. This is a very unrealistic expectation on the same lines of expecting to become a professional in a sport that you have never played before in a month. It’s not going to happen.
A more realistic goal would be to just learn to talk to women in the street by asking for directions to somewhere such as Subway or Starbucks, or even asking for the time. Then once you feel comfortable doing that you can push yourself slightly more to trying to stay in conversation with them for 15 seconds, then 30, then one minute and so on. This is a manageable goal that you can easily accomplish and you will find your Approach Anxiety will be gone in no time.
At the end of the day it’s down to you to make this change in your life Task: In the next week I want to you try and approach 7 women and ask for the time or directions. Once they’ve given them to you thank them and walk away. That’s the first step to conquering this affliction. Like I said before if you make the effort to conquer this gradually you will find you are successful but you need to be proactive in overcoming approach anxiety because it’s not something that goes away from sitting around and reading articles and Ebooks on-line.
Leave me a comment and let me know how you get on.
One life one chance, Gotta do it right!
H2O – One Life, One Chance (Epitaph Records)
All lyrics by H2O what if i said , i was an accident waiting to happen
would i trip and fall, fall on my words
and would you say, say that i was wrong
my words were out of place, went where i didn’t belong
this to me is fact and fiction plays a role
confusing situations that i can’t control
the heart of matter, it beats with pride
sometime i wear it on my sleeve, sometimes i keep it inside
and no one said it was gonna be easy,
and i’m not afraid to try
and with the odds stacked up against me, i will have to fight
one life one chance, gotta do it right!
and i cant let fate dictate what’s best for me
gotta take control of my own destiny, you can’t relate
you think there’s no escape, but i got everything at stake
here just to prove you wrong
and no one said it was gonna be easy,
and i’m not afraid to try
and with the odds stacked up against me, i will have to fight
one life one chance, gotta do it right!
one life one chance, gotta do it right!
one life one chance, gotta do it right!
one life one chance, gotta do it right!
gotta do it right!
I came across this question on a forum I visit from time to time and thought I’d have a try at answering his question about social anxiety.
I want so badly to get better with girls but sometimes it seems impossible. I’m in my mid-twenties and still in college and even though it was due to illness years ago that delayed my education, I’m very, very angry about it to this day. I feel like I’m the wrong age.
I also have no friends whatsoever, and I have very little social experience to draw on, so I don’t know what stories I can tell girls I meet. I can’t tell her about awesome things I did with my friends, because I didn’t have those experiences.
So I’m very anxious, angry, depressed and frustrated with all these things and to top it all off, I’m physically weak and tired much of the time, to the point where I can’t even hold a job or be in school right now. I’m sorry about my “complaining” tone–I really want to get a handle on things. I just don’t know where to start. Any advice would be appreciated.
My answer: Firstly don’t worry about being older than everyone else, as a general rule girls prefer older guys.
You need to start small and build up, you won’t be able to go from being socially introverted to a really social person overnight. First get a few male friends first by finding some guys that you share common interests with (videogames, sports, movies, etc) and start doing activities you enjoy to get you out of the house and socialising with people. You never know depending on what activities you like doing you may meet women there. You need to get comfortable being around women before you can even think of trying to attract them.
Try to be more upbeat about things. It’s hard sometimes I know (there’s times when I get frustrated and depressed) but having a more positive outlook will ultimately help you in the long run no matter what you are trying to achieve
Remember you can follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/social_rockstar or if you have any questions email me at: socialrockstaruk@googlemail.com and I’ll try to answer them on the blog. Also please leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of this post.
Recently I came across this question and thought I’d have a go at answering it. I’ve tried to keep my answer as simple as possible because from my own personal experience with approaching women in the day, the easier you make it, the better you seem to do.
I’m very new to all this stuff, i have been in a relationship for over 5 years and recently single so i’m just trying to get as much advice as possible.
I seem to be ok at approaching people standing still esp alone but i often spot girls walking, this seems more difficult when they have just passed you, i mean if you go running after them that would look a bit AFC right? Any pointers for getting someone to stop in there tracks and chat?
Mostly i’m sargin in clubs and i know people say this isn’t the best spot but im getting over my AA and it seems to work a bit for me.
Any help would be great!
Thanks!
TT
The easiest way I’ve found to get someone to stop in their tracks and chat is to ask for directions.
“Hi can you tell me where subway is please?”
“Hi sorry to bother you. Can you tell me the way to the station please?”
“Hi do you know where Starbucks is please? I’m really thirsty.”
All you have to do is wait for her to answer and then transition into a normal conversation from there.
We as a society have been taught from an early age to be polite to strangers so asking for directions are a really good way to go because nobody is going to react negatively to someone who is lost and trying to find their way
Remember you can follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/social_rockstar or if you have any questions email me at: socialrockstaruk@googlemail.com and I’ll try to answer them on the blog. Also please leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of this post.
