Confidence With Women

The 7 Deadly Mistakes of Approaching A Woman That Will Turn Her Off Instantly by Rob Judge

// October 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

By Rob Judge (Guest Writer)

Often Women Know Within the First 10 Seconds of Meeting a Man Whether They Are Going to Sleep with Him or Not…So Here Are The 7 Things Most Men Do To Immediately Disqualify Themselves—And How to Make Sure You Avoid All Of Them

7. Trying Too Hard

Rob Judge

Have you ever seen a guy who was so obviously trying to act cool or look important, but he just ended up being the guy all the women laughed about later and made fun of? Sure you have. Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seem to hookup with the guy who “doesn’t seem to care”…but for some reason they never considered you, even though you put in way more effort.

What’s up with that? Actually it’s very simple…

Women don’t hookup with the guy who’s “putting in the most effort.” They hookup with guys they perceive to be “attractive”—which is just a convenient way to say “guys they think are cooler than they are.” And nothing says to a woman “you’re way cooler than me” than a guy who exerts a lot of effort in an interaction—especially when meeting someone for the first time.

I realize this isn’t always obvious. It may be hard to chill out and stop trying so hard…but get used to it. Until you relax and keep yourself from obviously trying to “get” her attention and attraction, you’ll never even get off the ground with attractive woman.

6. Chatting But Not Attracting

What do most guys do when they are talking with a woman they find attractive? Right! They turn into Dr. Phil and play daytime talk show host as they “interview her” and try to pick topics she likes…

Well, here’s a newsflash for you…you will NEVER SPARK ATTRACTION WITH A WOMAN BY JUST AIMLESSLY CHATTING WITH HER! Woman are stimulated by emotions and tension (a.k.a., flirting). Just think of the adventurous types of men women tend to like…bad boys, rock stars, and celebrities.

For most of us guys, women don’t immediately drool over us based on our looks or status—so how in the world do we expect to stoke her attraction by just having a boring chat? Yet we all do it. When a woman gives us her attention, we try to play it safe, ask the questions we think she’ll like, talk about stuff that’s neutral or common, and do our best to keep her talking to us. Bad idea. One that will never fan the flames of her attraction.

5. Apologize For Liking Her

Another huge and avoidable mistake that most guys make with when approach a woman is apologizing for feeling attracted to her—or even apologizing for wanting to talk to her. Attractive women intimidate most guys. And they get men bending over backwards to appease them all the time. Men jump through their hoops, do whatever it takes to keep them happy, and often go out of their way to make sure they feel “comfortable” and “not offended.”

And guess what? Attractive women wait until guy-after-guy admits SHAMEFULLY that he’s attracted to her. Sometimes the guy doesn’t come outright and say it, instead he’ll pretend he’s interested in something she likes and use that as a pretext for a date: “Let’s go see Twilight together—and I’ll pay!” Even if the guy actually has the balls to tell her directly, often he first apologizes for wanting to talk to her: “I’m sorry to bother you but…”

This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who are so intimidated by her that you feel you the need to “hide” or “apologize for” the fact you like her—all because you think that makes her feel “more comfortable” around you.

Don’t do it. Be confident in your feelings. You don’t need to come right out and proclaim exactly what you’re feeling, but definitely don’t try to cover it up—or apologize for it.

4. Taking Yourself Too Seriously

One of the most common mistakes that a guy can make is getting overly emotional before a woman even knows him… because he is taking the interaction (and himself) way too seriously… and investing all of his male ego and pride into one interaction, with one girl (who he doesn’t even know yet!). And sure, as men, it can be hard to get over our pride when approaching a woman for the first time.

But YOU MUST.

We all know women love men with a sense of humor, yet how can we be “funny” or even “interesting” if we are trying to micromanage every aspect of an interaction with an attractive woman? Instead, relax. Lighten up. Learn to laugh a little at yourself. And you’ll see this attitude will attract women to you like a magnet.

3. Making It Obvious You Rehearsed Your Approach

Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to try so hard that you make it apparent you see the woman as “cooler” than you. Well, another way men signal to a woman they feel “less cool” than her is by rehearsing their approach. Put another way, guys worry about every detail of an approach—from the opening line to how to ask for her number—and they play and replay the scene in their head. Another bad idea…

Women are never attracted to men who aren’t in control of a situation and display leadership qualities (a.k.a., confidence)…women just aren’t attracted to insecure wimps! Don’t worry that you need to rehearse every detail before approaching a woman. Just do it—and feel confident that you can handle whatever happens!

2. Not Understanding How To Tactfully Move Things Forward

Now I’m going to blow you away with a little insider dating secret… A woman is expecting you to move an interaction forward… and actually will get turned off if you fail to do so. Let me say this again: If you don’t move an interaction toward intimacy and get physical with her, women will actually LOSE their attraction to you.

I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re talking to a girl for more than a couple minutes, she’s probably already thinking, “Okay, when is going to ask for my number?” or even, “Okay, so when is he going to kiss me?” And if you don’t do it—or fail to do it smoothly—then she’ll actually “cool off” and start thinking of ways to dismiss you: “I think we’re better off just being friends…”

And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating… Confidently approaching a woman, going for the number, asking her out, kissing her, getting sexual… everything. If you hesitate or don’t know what to do in each situation, you will end up losing EVERYTHING. And you know it.

It is crucial that you understand how to tactfully move from one step to the next with a woman… from the approach, all the way to the bedroom.

1. Not Seeking Out Direction or Help

Here it is: The most deadly mistake men make that ensures they remain single and never date the girl they really want. This is the one mistake that holds men back from EVER having the kind of success with women that would leave them truly satisfied. I know, we’re guys so we hate to seem helpless—we don’t even like to ask for directions, let alone dating help.

I’d know, I was there myself at one point. A couple years ago, I moved to New York City after graduating college and felt completely frustrated that I’d pass beautiful women all day, but I didn’t have a clue how to approach them, meet them, and get dates with them. It was like slow torture!

One weekend I met up with a friend from college, and we spotted 2 women we wanted to meet, but neither of us had the balls to approach them. I can still see the movie of that night playing in my head…right then I decided I had to do whatever it took to learn how to successfully meet and date women.

Well, after lots of “field work” and trying all kinds of crazy tips and techniques, I finally mastered it. And it was definitely worth it. I no longer feel that paralyzing feeling of insecurity… like I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a girl I’m really attracted to… and I might end up single forever. I know that I can just stroll outside and meet beautiful woman anytime, anywhere.

I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve coached guys all across the United States… and taught thousands of men all across the world. If you’re serious about getting this area of your life handled and you want to discover what really works, click on the link below to learn more.

The 4 Elements of Game

Rob Judge

When To Ask a Girl For Facebook Details

// October 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

A question I’ve been getting quite a bit recently is:

When Can You Ask a Girl for Her Facebook details?

The answer is whenever you like.

For example: I’ve literally approached a girl while doing daygame in Manchester talked to her for 30 seconds, then realised I’ve had to run and get my train home from Picadilly Station (because I was going out that night with friends and needed to get ready) and got the Facebook to keep in contact with her.

The good thing about Facebook is girls really don’t mind giving it out to others because we all like the feeling of being popular and having a big friends list. Plus you can block people who are creepy so it’s very low risk, it’s a lot harder to block someone’s phone number.

That works out well for you because it gives you a way to keep in contact with her and continue the flirting, and eventually set up a date via Wallposts, Messages and Facebook Chat.

Next time you’re talking to a girl and you think you’d like to stay in touch with her say:

“This was fun, we should stay in touch. Do you have Facebook?”

“You seem really nice, we should stay in touch. Do you have Facebook?”

“I have to go now but I think you’re really cute, I want to stay in touch. Do you have Facebook?”

Those are some examples of what you should be conveying when you ask and I honestly can’t see any girl refusing that as long as you haven’t done anything prior to creep her out. I’ve asked for the Facebook details myself loads of times and never been rejected once.

I hope these simple tips will convince you to pull the trigger next time you’re talking to a girl you like

Remember you don’t get anywhere by sitting on the sidelines and waiting for her to make a move because from personal experience (the first 22 years of my life) chances are she won’t. You need to be a man of action to get what you want in life. That includes unashamedly going after girls you like and trying to set up dates with them.

Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions or want some advice. I read every single one.

Thanks again for your support! Cheers!

Brandon

Bobby Rio Daygame Interview

// August 6th, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

Bobby Rio recently conducted an interview with Jeremy “London” Soul about Daygame and meeting women in the daytime. Click here to listen to the interview. I think Bobby is only keeping it up for a few days so click the link and listen to it (26 minutes long) before he takes it down.

Daygame

Gambler Stealth Daygame

// April 8th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Approaching

Gambler (Richard La Ruina) has posted a video detailing how to get women walking down the street to give you approach invitations during the day. I’m going to give this a try and I’ll let you all know what happens.

“Stealth” Daygame…

One of the things I’ve mastered is getting women to give me IOI’s or “Approach Invitations” during the daytime.

This makes day-game approaches VERY easy.

In the video above, I show you how to trigger IOI’s during the day (on the street) so that you’ve got attraction, curiosity, and intrigue building inside the woman, before you even say your first word.

Enjoy!

-Rich

Andy Yosha – The Art of Picking Up Women: Knowing What To Say After ‘Hello’

// April 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

Andy Yosha from Daygame.com posted a really useful video about what to say after you’ve approached a woman. Even though his site focuses on Daygame this technique also works just as well at night.

I personally think this is going to be one of the most popular videos on this entire site.

Because once you realise that going up to a girl and starting a conversation is infact very easy, you’ll then realise that the hard part is actually continuing the conversation!

It doesn’t take long to master the approach – but it’s the transition (or ‘bridge’ as we call it) that gets most guys vocal cords in a twist.

So many people think the art of picking up women is knowing the best openers. I’ve lost count the amount of guys who ask me what the best opener to use is. The opener really isn’t important! Me and Yad like to open with compliments. Easy to do, and if done in the right way is a great way to start a conversation.

But we know that the opener is just that; and ‘opener’. It just starts the conversation. Now we’ve started it, we need to know where to take it from here.

The REAL art of picking up women is knowing how to TRANSITION.

Me and Yad call this phase of the interaction The Bridge, because it takes you from where she isn’t sure if she wants to talk to you (or flat out doesn’t), over to where she DOES want to talk to you. The space inbetween is the bridge.

Has this happened to you before?

You see a beautiful girl, you approach, you open with a compliment, she is surprised and flattered and says thank you.

Then there’s a pause.

“Emergency! Emergency! Scramble all brain cells, repeat, scramble all brain cells! This is not a drill! This is NOT a drill!”

But your grey matter is on holiday.

Nothing in your mind but an acute sense of panic.

Finally you say the only thing that you can squeeze out of your cranium:

“So…. what are you up to?”

She looks towards the direction she was originally heading in, turns back to you and says “I’m really sorry but I’m in a bit of a rush, I really have to go. It was nice meeting you.”

And it’s over.

Why?

Because you tried to transition using a question; and a big open ended one at that!

The Bridge is simple, but so very effective. Here’s how it goes. This is the where the art of picking up women is at.

The bridge is made up of statements. Statements that YOU make.

It’s only through making statements that you can demonstrate your personality, your character and thus your value as a man. You aren’t going to demonstrate anything by just asking her a series of questions.

And there’s a simple way to turn all your questions into statements, and that is by making ASSUMPTIONS about her. Think ‘cold reading’, except it doesn’t matter too much if you’re accurate. The cool thing about making an assumption about someone is that if you get it wrong, they will feel compelled to correct you. If you get it right, they will feel compelled to tell you so. Either way, you’re prompting an answer out of them, but by making a value based statement – rather than a value-devoid question.

Very powerful stuff. Half the battle of being able to attract women is about being able to talk, and keep talking, and with this rule, you will be a master of the art of picking up women!

One last thing for you guys to remember when practising this is what I call the Conversational Safety Net.

If ever you think you’re getting stuck, and you can’t think of anything to say, remember this: Statement, question, statement, question, statement, question etc.

The statement you make (if you’ve run out of assumptions), is just about the last thing that she said. If you remember this rule, you will NEVER run out of things to say ever again, because you can just make a statement about the last thing she said – no matter what it is!

I hope this helps guys,

Andy Yosha

How To Approach Women Anywhere In 3 Simple Steps by Gambler

// March 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

Everything starts with the approach.  If you can’t figure out the approach, no matter how good the rest of your game is, you are screwed.  In this article I’m going to give you some practical and tested advice so you’ll know how to approach women anywhere.  A lot of advice is very specific to a particular location like a nightclub or the gym, but there are fundamentals that underlie any successful approach and these are what I am going to share with you.

Step 1 – Approach women with the right mindset

The first part of approaching is mindset.  Try this little exercise in your mind.  Imagine there is a beautiful girl that is your ideal type, you look at her and have a second or so of eye contact, you want to talk to her, but you don’t, you stand there frozen and the moment passes.  Think about how you would feel in that situation.  Now imagine the same situation but this time you approach and she says “sorry I’m busy” and turns away.  Think about how you’d feel here.  Would you feel good that you actually had the balls to do it?  Would you feel good that you at least found out whether it was on or not?

Now imagine you approach and everything goes perfectly and you end up getting laid or having a relationship with that girl (different strokes for different folks).  How would you feel then.  So now, imagine that you approach 100 girls and assign a likely probability of success.  In how many would you get a number?  20%?  60%?  Whatever it is, it’s likely enough to make it worth doing.  How much do you think you’d learn from 100 approaches?  So now, when you are in that situation you know that the benefit of approaching far far outweighs not approaching and you will approach just to avoid that bad feeling of being a wussy that couldn’t step up.

Step 2 – Be prepared

The second part is being prepared.  Ideally you see this amazing girl and something pops into your head and it’s the perfect thing to say for just that girl and that situation.  That’s the ideal.  Most of the time though, your mind will be “blank” or racing between different options which you discard one by one as not good enough.  So, pick one opening line that you are comfortable with, that you can use in most situations (not just at the gym when she is on the treadmill going exactly 5mph) and always have that line to fall back on.  Here are some pickup openers you can look at, pick the one you like best, and remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be good enough.

Step 3 – Your skeleton system

The third part is having the skeleton of a system in place so that you know roughly what to do.  Think about the possible responses to your opening line.  Think about how you might introduce yourself – “I’m Richard by the way” , how you might get the number “I go to some great parties with my friends, you should come sometime and check one out.  Okay cool, put your number in my phone and I’ll text you next time we go out”, and also, if it makes you feel better, a way to escape if you need it – “it’s been great speaking to you, but I need to meet some friends, what’s the best way of keeping in touch with you”.

So there you have it, 3 things you can do right away (hint – do it now!).  I hope that gives you a better idea of how to approach women anywhere.  Next we can focus more deeply on conversation skills, dates, and more advanced stuff.

Let me know your thoughts on this one, the above works for me and many other guys but you may have found your own route to successful approaching women.

Adam Lyons Negative Attraction Video

// February 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

From the site: About a month ago, AFC Adam put on a a secret “advanced tactics” seminar in Austin, TX.

The video above is from that workshop.

One of the topics he covered was “Negative Attraction”. The guys in the room loved it, so I decided it would be pretty cool to give it away here on the blog. Watch it, enjoy, and let me (And Adam!) know what you think

-Rich

This is a really good video I couldn’t immbed it into this post so click the picture to be taken to it.

The best way to ask for a girl’s number

// January 17th, 2010 // 8 Comments » // Approaching

Some guys have no problem talking to girls and find it easy to have an interesting conversation with them but when it comes time to pull the trigger at the end of the interaction and ask an exchange of contact details many men fail to summon up the courage to ask the girl for her phone number. I found with myself that this was almost always down to me not knowing a way to do it without it seeming awkward (and also minimising the chance of rejection).

Recently I have been asked to write an article to detail the best way to ask a girl for her contact details without it being awkward and weird, while at the same time minimising the chance of rejection.

Of all the ways I’ve seen to ask for a number Adam Lyons (http://www.attractionexplained.com/) has by far the best way to get the contact details from a girl. It is simply saying to the girl “What’s the best way of staying in contact with you?“. Now that might not seem too amazing on the surface but if you look behind the meaning of what is being said you will see that it is .

Guy: “What’s the best way of staying in contact with you?”

Girl: “By text”

Guy: “OK what’s your phone number”

Now the reason why this works so well is because you aren’t actually asking for her number, you are asking what the best way to stay in contact with her would be (there is a difference). When she replies she will say one of the following: text, phone, Facebook or email. Take whichever one she suggests.

When you contact her at a later date she will backwards rationalise that she wanted you to contact her. This is because when you asked what was the best way to keep in contact with her, she replied by text, meaning she said that she wanted you to contact her via text. This makes her a lot more likely to reply. It’s very clever isn’t it? That is why I use it and Adam’s a very clever guy for coming up with it.

A lot of guys think that getting a Facebook or an email address is worse than a phone number but in reality it is exactly the same thing, it is no better or worse than getting a phone number so if a girl offers it to you, don’t push for the number just take it.

As good as this method is I’ve found two ways to make it even better so it’s even more rejection proof and solid. The first way is to give a reason as to why you want to stay in touch with her. Two examples of this would be:

Guy: “You know you’re really nice. What’s the best way of staying in contact with you?”

Guy: “What’s the best way of staying in contact with you? because I think you’re really cute”

Giving her a reason for why you want to stay in touch with her will make her considerably more likely to give you her contact details. It works so much better than just saying “Can I have your phone number”

A final tip is to always beep (call for a couple of seconds) the girls phone when you get her number and get her to save your number with your name in her address book (or do it for her). I’ve noticed that this increases your chance of getting a reply when you text her to arrange a date. This is due to the fact that you’re not that guy she met in a bar last night you’re now Brandon that she met last night, there’s more familiarity there thus you are more likely to get a reply.

I hope you’ve enjoyed and found this post useful! As always, comments are welcome and encouraged. Cheers!

- Brandon

p.s. If you really enjoyed this post, please consider helping me out and spreading the word below! Thanks!

Richard La Ruina – Stealth Seduction Revealed

// January 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Approaching

The video above is the disk 2 from my sold out Stealth Attraction training program.

I’ve gotten TONS of great feedback – lots of guys saying it’s the best PUA material EVER (seriously) – so I figured it’s something that you’d probably want to have a look at

After you watch the video, leave your comments below . I’d love to hear what you think.

I read them all!

-Rich (Gambler)

Getting a Girls Number

// November 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // Approaching

I came across this question and thought you would find this advice really valuable.

Getting the Number
I have no problem asking a girl for her number but I keep doing this thing where I’ll start talking and flirting but I end up not getting her number because I feel like I need to wait for “the perfect time” to do it. In other words, I may only be able to talk to her for 2 minutes and I’ll flirt with her but I won’t feel there’s a good opportunity to get her number without sounding corny or weird. For example:

Say I start busting on her about her shoes or something and she’s laughing but we both have to go… I’ll feel weird going from that to “hey, give me your number” all the sudden. Does this make sense? But the problem is, I keep feeling that way and therefore I’m not getting numbers and I’m dragging this stuff on too long. Any advice? Do you just have to do it even if it’s awkward or what? Thanks.

My Answer:
I think the best thing to do is have a reason to keep in contact with her such as going to get Mexican food together which you will have already talked about earlier in the night. Here’s a simple example of what I mean:

ME: Do you like Mexican food?
Girl: Yes
ME: Have you ever been to Barburrito in Manchester?
Girl: No
ME: Oh the foods amazing we should go sometime.
Girl: Ok
ME: Whats the best way of keeping in contact with you?
< girl gives you her contact details >

See in the above you have a reason to stay in contact because you want to go with her to get Mexican food. Also because she’s agreed to do something with you she’s a lot more likely to reply when you text her as well.

The next best way is to use the word ‘because’ and then give a reason. An basic example could be:

ME: I have to get back to my friends now but whats the best way to keep in contact with you BECAUSE I think you’re really nice.
< girl gives you her contact details >

In his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion Robert Cialdini proved that giving a reason will dramatically increase your chances of success when trying to get another person to do something for you.

Remember you can follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/social_rockstar or if you have any questions email me at: socialrockstaruk@googlemail.com and I’ll try to answer them on the blog. Also please leave me a comment and let me know what you think of this post.