Confidence With Women

Struggling to make friends at university

// Shyness

I’ve been at uni for 3 months now and I’m really struggling to make friends. I’m living in halls and during freshers week I went out and tried to socialize but I found it so hard. I’m naturally very shy but have been able to make friends in the past easily. It’s really quite depressing. Admittedly I haven’t made much of an effort to join societies and clubs but I find the thought of going to these places alone terrifying.

I have nothing at all in common with any of my flatmates, and as I’m so different from them I find it hard to act like my normal self. I think my friends from home who I’ve known for years would say I’m quite outgoing when I’m around them, which is how I’d like to be around people at uni but I’m finding it so difficult.

I’ve become a sort of recluse now, I barely come out of my room. I’m not being dramatic or paranoid but I swear people avoid talking to me because conversations with me are really awkward and boring. I can’t muster up any banter with anyone because I’m so depressed about the whole situation. It’s got to the point where I’ve just given up all together with making friends. I’m just wondering how i’m going to get through the next 3 years of my course with no friends, I have acquaintances, people who I’ll sit with at lunch or in a lecture but no actual friends who i’d go out with or spend time with outside uni. I don’t know what to do, anyone else been in a similar situation?

Emily

My Answer: The thing that I’ve realised from spending the first 18 years of my life as a shy person is people generally won’t come to you, you will have to go to them. As a society we are always waiting for the other person to make the first move and take the risk. The people that are really popular are the people who always make the first move and take action.

Something else that I realised is social confidence is the opposite of shyness. The only way to get social confidence so you feel more comfortable socially is to socialise more. The reason that you feel shy is probably because you don’t socialise very often and we get nervous doing things we have never done before or haven’t done very much. I want you to have a read at the below quote.

The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over, and then expecting different results – Albert Einstein

What Einstein is saying here really rings true if you’ve spent your entire life withdrawn and subsequently lonely because of not having many friends. By continuing to abide by the same habits you will continue to get the same results, even more loneliness.

The way to break out of this cycle is to gently push yourself out of your comfort zone, try saying hi to someone you see everyday instead of just walking past them. Next time you see them try talking to them for 5 or 10 seconds before moving on. The trick is to gently push yourself to be more social but not to the point that it makes you really uncomfortable because you will just freeze up. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Remember you can follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/social_rockstar or if you have any questions email me at: socialrockstaruk@googlemail.com and I’ll try to answer them on the blog. Also please leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of this post.

Posted on December 18th, 2009

Social tagging: college • Friend • Friends • Social • Social Anxiety • Socialising